Haggis and Kangaroo Crisps for Tickers?

Seems like Walker’s Crisps have learned something from many microbreweries — give the same old product a new, gimmicky name and people will queue up to buy it for the novelty value.

For the World Cup Walker’s has introduced a national range of crisps based on World Cup qualifying nations (mostly!). They are listen on Wikipedia but also listed below:

  • England-Roast Beef and Yorkshire Pudding
  • America-Cheeseburger
  • Argentinean-Flame Grilled Streak
  • Australia-BBQ Kangaroo
  • Brazil-Salsa
  • Dutch-Edam Cheese
  • France-Garlic Bread
  • Germany-Bratwurst Sausage
  • Ireland-Stew
  • Italy-Spaghetti Bolognese
  • Japan-Teriyaki Chicken
  • Scotland-Haggis
  • South Africa-Sweet Chutney
  • Spain-Chicken Paella
  • Wales-Rarebit
  • While these flavours may be completely honed to resemble their inspiration dishes, there’s a certain similarity between various ingredients — a few cheese (Rarebit, Edam, the cheeseburger, etc,). Also the meaty flavours: English Roast beef, Flame-Grilled Steak, Spaghetti Bolognese, Haggis, Kangaroo and so on aren’t probably very different from each other.

    It reminds me of the microbreweries that produce a differently named brew every month which are so beloved of the CAMRA ticker tendency. Surely their beers are not that radically different from each other once around half a dozen styles have been covered. I’ve never understood why the novelty seekers are so easily taken in by a gimmicky name or pump clip design. If I drink a decent beer I’d like to be able to go out and find it again — not for it to disappear into the oblivion of a few tickers’ notebooks.

    It might be a good business opportunity for Walker’s to get the kind of multiple hand pump pubs beloved of tickers to stock the full range of these crisps — perhaps rotating them through the run up to the World Cup — and see if the beer lovers start ticking them off too.

    Talking of beer that’s worth seeking out again, ‘Trashy Blonde’ from Brewdog was on at ‘The Angel’ — a Wetherspoons opposite the eponymous tube station in Islington. I would have had a pint but I’d already ordered a ‘Dark Rider’ from Kelham Island — which was strong and rather nice so I had another pint.

    He Scores Goals

    Sky Sports put together a 30 minute compilation of the 100 goals that Paul Scholes has scored in the Premiership — all, of course, for Manchester United. It was accompanied to a bit of music from the times — which go back to 1994 when he scored his first goal.

    While it’s been said that several other players have reached their century a little more quickly, I doubt whether any has done so with a higher ratio of spectacular shots. Around 20 per cent of the goals must have come from going-on for 30 yards from goal and all the long-range efforts (at least half the total, though I know I stand to be corrected on this) were hit with such a ferocity that it almost seemed impossible — more like a shot coming off a tennis racquet at speed. The quality was utterly compelling. The prize pieces were the volleys from outside the area including the famous one (against Bradford I think) direct from Beckham’s corner which might be one of the best goals ever, technically.

    Scholes is a model professional and has a totally refreshing contempt for spin and presentation — when he did an interview after his 100th goal it was fascinating to hear him speak. Another great thing about him is that while he’s supremely gifted at most footballing skills, there are some which he is pretty poor at, notably his tackling, but it doesn’t stop him trying. He’s the opposite of the saccharine, showbiz mediocrity who excels at nothing but presentation and having the rough edges removed. For that everyone should be thankful.

    The current Manchester United team possesses arguably the two best English players of the last 20 years when both the Ginger Price and the Big Man are in town.

    How To Clean Up Football

    In the ultimate expression of Blair’s victim culture (C)Ashley Cole is apparently now feeling ‘victimised’ after Chelsea have threatened to fine him a whole two weeks wages (a paltry £200k for him) for tarnishing the club’s image according to the Telegraph. Someone close to Cole seems to have responded by ‘linking’ Cole with Real Madrid and Barcelona — the implication being, as he revealed in his autobiography, that Chelsea ought to be grateful that he deigns to stay with them.

    He’s apparently upset that the club has supported Terry in his marital problems when he’s been fined. Terry appears to have got his wife’s backing (in public at least) whereas Cole can’t really be surprised that his high-profile spouse doesn’t particularly like being made to look a fool in public. He should also remember how he’s not exactly worked hard to cultivate respect from the public either — with his famously greedy reaction reported in his autobiography to being offered ‘only’ £55,000 a week by Arsenal.

    Apparently Abramovic is not too impressed with Cole’s effect on PR.

    Cole isn’t even particularly popular with Chelsea fans either. Most probably wouldn’t be sad to see the back of him. Maybe the the Premier League should consider how the wider reputation of footballers has been tarnished and fine clubs in this position with a points deduction. As it’s not a first offence for either Cole or Chelsea then a 6 points would be fairly reasonable.

    ‘Most Footballers Are Knobs’

    The immortal words of Joey Barton on this morning’s Today programme. It was guest edited by Tony Adams so every other item on the programme was about football or sport. Barton gave a long interview about his ‘troubles’ which was quite entertaining and he wasn’t quite as stupid and inarticulate as you might have thought, although he didn’t pull his punches about the immaturity of the personalities of his fellow professionals — explaining that they have often come from backgrounds of ‘nothing’.

    It’s surprising how many ex-professional players make lucid and intelligent summarisers and analysts (although you tend to think they usually pull their punches due to the old pros’ Omerta).  However, being a great player is no guarantee of intelligence as several high profile names have shown recently.

    I listened to the programme from about 7.45am onwards and it was surprisingly interesting — quite a bit about sportsmen and addition, as one might anticipate.

    Worst Referee in the Premiership?

    It’s a more closely fought contest than the title itself but Andre Marriner seems to have compounded his bizarre performances in previous games with his ludicrously farcical yellow-carding of the wrong player and then capitulation to hysterical mob-rule in the Liverpool vs Wolves match.

    ‘I Grew Up Watching This’

    So said ‘shocked’ BBC Sports Personality Winner of the Year 2009, Ryan Giggs, in his genuinely unrehearsed speech. Ironic then that most of the generation that will succeed Giggs were growing up watching the X-Factor on ITV. What sort of values the X-Factor implants into impressionable minds we might not know until it’s too late, when any genuine creative talent in this country has finally been snuffed out. The lessons of the X-Factor seem to have been predicted by the Pet Shop Boys song ‘Opportunities’ nearly 25 years ago — ‘I’ve got the brains, you’ve got the looks, let’s make lots of money.’ In fact the principle of grooming some nice boy singer to croon other people’s songs pre-dated the Pet Shop Boys by another 25 years — it was the way ‘Tin Pan Alley’ worked up until the early 60s when the Beatles broke the mould (at least for the next 40 years or so) by both writing and performing their own material. How ironic then that who should pop up on the X-Factor final but Paul McCartney. I was quite pleased to see him — at least two of the songs were performed by the person that wrote them. I would doubt whether any X-Factor winner will ever write, or more to the point be allowed to write, their own material. It was quite nice to see McCartney performing live on the biggest TV show this year but it throws up an interesting question — was Paul McCartney unwittingly bookending the era of innovative pop music that he largely started?

    The most annoying thing about the X-Factor is the ridiculous hysteria in the audience. The sound mixers on the programme must realise that the judges rarely contribute anything other than vapid platitudes so the whooping and yelling of the idiots in the audience is mixed high. I speculated whether audience members for the X-Factor had to take an intelligence test and only those that failed it would be eligible for tickets. This is unlikely to be true as the pass mark would need to be set so low that only people who had yet to learn to hold a pencil would have a realistic chance of getting tickets . Whoever manipulates the audience seems to be peddling the absurd New Labour notion (especially in the context of a talent show) that everyone’s a winner and everyone deserves to win and be praised by the judges. If everyone could win then there would be no show — that’s the whole point of it. It seems to be an extension of the Blairite Lady Diana ‘People’s Princess’ self-conscious emoting.

    It was odd for Giggs to be selected for the shortlist this year — he must have been coming up for a lifetime achievement soon anyway. However, he showed in his speech that he did have a real personality — a far more genuine set of comments than those rehearsed with PR advisers in advance.

    Sports PERSONALITY of the Year

    The BBC seems to consistently misname its Sports Personality of the Year Programme. For one thing, it’s really a Sports Review of the Year, although the BBC’s loss of the rights to many sporting events over the past few years mean it tends to be a ‘Sports Review of the Sports the BBC Chooses to Promote’ programme (let’s see how much emphasis F1 and Wimbledon get this year). However, the voting is clearly misnamed as it takes no account of the crucial word ‘personality’. How many sportsmen and women actually demonstrate a personality at all? Not many — perhaps a few colourful characters like Freddie Flintoff or John McEnroe. Most have very little personality — even the likes of David Beckham have more of a persona than personality (his interviews are all underwhelming).  Which of the ten contenders for 2009 actually have a personality that is apparent to the spectating public?

    1. Jenson Button
    2. Mark Cavendish
    3. Tom Daley
    4. Jessica Ennis
    5. Ryan Giggs
    6. David Haye
    7. Phillips Idowu
    8. Andy Murray
    9. Andrew Strauss
    10. Beth Tweddle

    I don’t think I’ve ever heard Button, Cavendish, Ennis, Idowu or Tweddle ever speak (shows how closely I follow F1). Daley is still a schoolkid and Murray rivals Beckham as an entertaining interviewee. Giggs is an extraordinary footballer and a seemingly nice chap all round but he does his talking on the pitch — all things that could be applied to Strauss. The only one I’ve seen with an engaging personality is Haye.

    No doubt Button will win due to the world champion factor (but we could say that about Haye in some respects).

    If we’re talking personality then there’s no doubt who the overseas award should go to — someone who previously could have been charged with being ultra-anodyne and corporately bland but has appeared incredibly human in the past week or two — Tiger Woods.

    23 to Think About…

    Foster, James, Green

    Brown, Ferdinand, Terry, Lescott, (with reluctance) Cashley Cole, Phil Neville

    Beckham, Carrick, Phil Collins’ greatest fan, Frankie, Lennon, Cole (J), Milner, Barry, Hargreaves (assuming fit)

    Rooney, Owen, Heskey, Defoe, Crouch

    A bit light of the defence but Carrick should be able to cover and Crouch might do a job in an emergency.

    Who Needs Defenders…

    …when you can finish a game with Fletcher as right-back and Carrick as centre-back (the only one) and still win 4-0 away? And also close the gap at the top of the Premiership with Neville, Ferdinand, Brown, O’Shea, Evans and Vidic either ill or injured. I’d suggest Berbatov might be a good bet to pair with Carrick against Wolfsburg (he wouldn’t have to much much so it might suit him). So long as Scholes isn’t played there.

    Shearer said Scholes was the best player to come out of Man Utd in the recent future (maybe he might think him the best player anyway of recent times apart from himself?). The ginger prince scored a corker against West Ham that was unstoppable. Perhaps Darron Gibson has been taking lessons from the master as he’s now scored three thunderbolts from outside the area in the past five days?

    Mark Hughes came up with the goods with an excellent City result against Chelsea with JT moaning about extremely hopeful handball calls, Lampard bottling his penalty and Carvalho showing his true colours with a stamp in Tevez’s back. A good match on ESPN for a change.

    Who Says Football’s All About Money?

    I saw one of the funniest things that’s been on the television all year on Match of the Day tonight — Jimmy Bullard’s ‘celebration’ of his penalty for Hull against Manchester City. He both simultaneously satirised the whole cult of ridiculous and self-aggrandising goal celebrations and also ridiculed his own team and manager. It had a sense of irony and timing that is well beyond the capacity of most stand-up comedians — performing in exactly the same spot on the pitch that his manager had chosen to use for his infamous open-air half-time rant at Eastlands last season.

    As celebrations go, it knocks Peter Crouch’s robot dance into a cocked hat and shows that, despite all the money and hype, why football is deservedly popular — all human life is there.

    Travesty by Arrogant Cheats

    There are a lot of grey areas in football but one where there is no doubt that the player is cheating and breaking the rules of the game is deliberate handball — not a case of ball kicked to flailing hand or whether it was upper arm a ball hit or the shoulder but an example where the player deliberately alters the course of the ball with conscious movements of the hand. So for Ireland to lose out on a place in the World Cup Finals to a piece of cheating that rivals Maradona’s famous 1986 goal against England is completely sickening. It takes a pretty arrogant player to even attempt something so blatant — but that’s the French for you. It will take a few gallons of Guinness to erase the memory of this disgraceful incident.

    Sunderland 1 (Beach Ball 5) Liverpool 0

    How sad that Liverpool dropped two points due to an assist by a beach ball! It says something about the quality of the game and of Liverpool’s attack without Torres that no humans were able to put the ball in the net but a red beach ball was able to divert Bent’s tame shot past Reina. Match of the Day might regret showing the kid who threw the ball on the pitch (a Liverpool fan) if they end up missing out on the title (or, more likely, Europe) by a couple of points. Hilarious — as was the argument between United legend Steve Bruce and Rafa Benitez.

    Frank Lampard — A Good Judge of People?

    Frank Lampard lambasted former FA chief Adam Crozier recently for uttering a completely fatuous and premature soundbite about England’s supposed ‘golden generation’ when he made the disastrous appointment of Sven Goran Eriksson as England manager. Whereas Sven has now moved to the heights of Director of Football at Notts County, Crozier has found another national institution to wreck. As Lampard says of Crozier ‘Look what happened to him’. Typical of our political culture where competence is thought far inferior to spin and appearances, Crozier is chief executive of the Royal Mail — whose appalling industrial relations seem to have nosedived further after he took charge. Not that you’d know he’s in charge as, like his ultimate boss, Gordon Brown he’s suddenly turned invisible when the going has got tough and sends his minions like an operations director out to face the media.

    Curse of Internet Streaming — I Hope

    Those who paid out £11.99 for watching a blurry picture on a computer will have been rewarded by being first to see a thoroughly poor performance by England. I followed the highlights saga in the news and wasn’t too surprised to see the BBC showing the highlights at short notice but it seems very dodgy that they, in effect, colluded with the spivs who were streaming the match on the Internet by keeping quiet about the highlights being shown until after the last kick.

    England were lucky not to lose 3-0 at least — with a missed penalty, the woodwork being hit and James making some spectacular saves. Nonetheless, they created quite a few chances with ten men. There are some who think that that England won’t be too sad if the result means that Croatia miss the playoffs when the final results are in on Wednesday. I’ll be a little sad if it means less chance of Blanka Vlasic making an appearance but that might be compensated by the likes of Eduardo missing out.

    I wonder if we’ll ever be told how many people paid to watch this miserable non-event but it’s heartening that Rio ‘The Wanderer’ Ferdinand and Cashley Cole seemed to treat the occasion with the contempt that maybe comes of thinking that one man and his internet dog are the only ones watching.

    Ferguson Doesn’t Grow Old Gracefully

    Oxford might have wonderfully historic pubs with great ale and lots of atmosphere but what about the needs of drinkers whose teams are playing at 5.30pm on ESPN? No big plasma screens at the Turf Tavern or the King’s Arms or White Horse so I ended up missing the Man Utd v Sunderland match live and followed the less than comforting scoreline on my phone. After a self-stranding toilet incident involving the 280 bus I had to catch the train back from Haddenham and then valiantly tried to stay awake when I eventually got home through the end of Strictly Come Dancing so I could watch the highlights on MOTD.

    Of course, I fell asleep just a few minutes before it started and missed the highlights. Fortunately I was able to remember to record the repeat of the programme at 8am this morning and so enjoyed two remarkable spectacles. Berbatov’s goal was superbly taken — an amazing overhead kick. However, the terrible decision that Wiley made about the Anderson penalty interview brought on the most amazing rant by SAF against the fourth official. Whatever his other failings, Ferguson will certainly get stuck in and fight ‘the enemy’ for his team.